DOAKS

On Friday, the American Thinker published an article titled “Another Worrisome Sign for Obama“. The point of the article was based on the Kippah Polls, where the McCippah has taken a significant lead over the Obama Kippah.

Today, I present another statistic in terms of Jewish voters.

On Facebook, there are many types of Obama/McCain pages. Among them are the “Jews for Obama” and the “Jews for McCain” groups.

To date, the Jews for Obama group has 3179 members. The Jews for McCain group has a paltry 785 participants. That’s 80% to 20% lead for the Jews for Obama group.

Like much of the online campaigning, the Obama camps seems much more adept and proactive. Notice how the Jews for Obama group was organized by someone working for the Obama campaign, while the McCain group was created by a McCain supporter not working for the campaign.

Also, it should be mentioned that there are two groups called “Jews Against Obama“, with 1002 and 267 members (dis)respectively. Even assuming there was no overlap between the “Jews Against Obama” groups AND the “Jews for McCain” group, that would still put McCain Jews on Facebook at just 28%.

Besides, what is point of going negative and having “against” groups? People need to stay positive. It’s all about positive energy!

The results for the Kippah Polls are in. I worked them myself on a spread sheet. McCippah has increased the lead to 58%. The Obamica is at 42%.

Why has the McCain Kippah taken a substantial lead? A few possible reasons:

1. An article on the Jewish Week site informed the Jewish world about McCain winning in the Kippah Wars. And people have a natural tendency to root for a “winner”. Then again, others, myself included, enjoy cheering for the underdog.

2. I strongly believe that the political pendulum swung in favor of McCain during the past week. The Georgia/Russia thing is a foreign policy issue, a strong advantage for McCain as it has nothing to do with Iraq and more to do with experience. It also helps that Obama has been on vacation all week, while McCain is writing “We Are All Georgians” op-eds for the Journal.

3. The John Edwards scandal is taking its toll on the polls.

1. Judging by his speed, he is obviously NOT swimming with a load of Jewish guilt on his shoulders

2. During the races, his mom is cheering for him in the stands. She isn’t tanning poolside

3. He wolfed down a HUGE breakfast on Tisha Ba’av

4. His parents did not make him wear a bicycle helmet for the races

5. I haven’t made a Michael Phelps bathing-cap Kippah

6. Every Jew I meet in the street is NOT gushing to me “You know Phelps is Jewish!”

7. Phelps has not been accused by Iran of being an undercover Israeli spy with nuclear capabilities

8. The Rabbis have not issued a decree permitting observant Jews to watch Phelps race on the Sabbath

Editors note: Sometime between last week and this week, I decided to submit an article to the Forward. After visiting the Kippah article on their site, I discovered that the Forward accepts submissions from outside writers.

So, being a wholly outsider and a wanna be writer, I sat down for a bit and tried to come up with something. Anyways, after reviewing my drivel, it dawned upon me that the Forward would never publish this little piece. So I’m doing the next best thing; I am placing it on the VK blog.

There’s been a whole lot of stuff written about the Rubashkin company. I’m surprised that the Kosher Slaughterhouse Scandal of 2008 has not yet been introduced as a key issue in the ongoing presidential elections, alongside offshore drilling and the war in Iraq.

The animal rights people are outraged with the way animals are being mistreated. Hence their decision to go vegan.

Personally, I’m furious with the treatment of vegetation! Last month, I witnessed with my own two-eyes and gaping jaw, a terrible scenario involving an orange. I saw someone literally plunge the blade of a knife into the heart of the acidy fruit. Then this monster proceeded to tear off the peels of the orange until it was entirely peeled. And then the unthinkable; this despicable creature ate the orange. Without shame.

Needless and seedless to say, I haven’t eaten an orange since I watched the aforementioned scene of grapefruit brutality.

It gets worse. Guess what I just found out? Do you have any idea on how wine is produced? Mercenary wineries squeeze the living juice out of grapes. That’s right. Grapes are mercilessly subjected to bouts of compression and wrangling. Ouch. Now I understand the term “grapes of wrath”. If someone plucked me from my home and put me through the wringer, I’d be pretty wrathful myself.

There is actual video footage documenting this pernicious wine-making process. Perhaps you’ve already seen it. It’s from an ancient I Love Lucy episode. Lucy is extracting a liquid substance from grapes in order to make wine. How is she performing this task? By jumping up and down on the grapes. Barefoot. There is no compassion. No dignity afforded to these small round fruit.

Wine is generally considered a classy drink. And to think that this beverage is made through the suffering of the lowest hanging fruit.

How does wine remain morally potable?

Due to the nature of the site, I am the recipient of a different style of Frequently Asked Questions. They’re called the JFAQ’s; the Jewish Frequently Asked Questions. The questions provided below are factual. Except for the ones that were entirely fabricated by myself.

Questions in bold. Responses in italics.

Are you making money on your site?
My site is getting orders. I prefer not to get into specifics.

Can you please specify the volume of business on your site?
I’d rather not. I actually just stated in my previous response that my preference is not to indulge in the details.

Why won’t you share this information with me?
It’s proprietary. It’s my business. Not yours.

What are your disgusting margins?
Excuse me? This is the first time I ever heard of the term “disgusting margins”. Perhaps you mean to say “gross margins”?

Gross. Disgusting. You say tomato. I say herring. All the same. Fine. I will rephrase. What are your gross margins?
Sir; this isn’t something I am going to discuss with you.

Idiot.
Is that a question or a statement?

Statement. Why did you think it was a question?
Just checking. If you do not mind, please refrain from the name calling. Thanks.

Where do you manufacture your Kippahs, you idiot?
In a factory. Not telling you where. I am ignoring the idiot remark.

Can I get a wholesale price on a Kippah?
Depends. How many do you want?

Just one. Maybe none. Can I get wholesale pricing or not?
Well, I can’t give you wholesale pricing on a single Kippah.

What if I do not want to buy ANY Kippahs from you. Can I get some sort of bulk discount then?
That doesn’t make any sense. At all. What’s the point of a discount if you’re not actually buying any?

These are my FAQ’s. Not yours. I ask the questions. You answer. Understood?
Yes.

I’m all out of questions for now. If I have more, can I ask later?
Yes, you may.