Commentary on the David Blaine Hanging

September 24th, 2008

David Blaine is hanging. Nothing to be alarmed about. He did this on his own. Blaine is Jewish. In fact, he even has a tattoo with the Auschwitz number of author Primo Levi.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that it’s good Blaine is not wearing a Yarmulke during his most recent stunt. Why? Because it would undoubtedly fall off his head, whilst being suspended upside down. (That’s why I haven’t performed this stunt myself!)

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Even if he’d secure the Kippah with magnets, it would be a distraction. Naysayers would use this as further evidence that he is cheating. And perhaps the Kippahs would get a bad rap….

In a future post, I will elaborate on the various methods to getting a Kippah to stay on ones head.

Btw, with Blaine’s extreme tolerance for pain, I wouldn’t be surprised if he gives Orthodox Judaism a shot…

Kippah Honeymoon in Vegas

September 24th, 2008

This past weekend there was a bloggers conference in Las Vegas. The venue is called the “Blog World Expo“.

While I did not make it out there, some of my Kippahs were in attendance.

In fact, the Yarmulkes were part of a panel and were even featured on the big screen.

Take a look at this photo:

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That’s Mike Allen wearing the McCippah and Tim Jones sporting the Cindy McCain Kippah. Hawt!

Both look very handsome in their Kippahs.

What were the Kippahs doing in Vegas? Why, they were there for their honeymoon! FYI, blonde Kippahs have WAY more fun.

VanityKippah was a part of the discussion and presentation. You can read more here.

Vegas is a crazy place. Lots of people go there to party. I am happy to report that the Kippahs behaved themselves. Yes; the Yarmulkes played some slots. And then went disco dancing with an Elvis imprersonator.

But all in all, their conduct was more than acceptable by Vegas standards.

Jews for Palin? Google suggests otherwise…

September 17th, 2008

Just did a Google search for the term “Jews for Palin“. Yeah. I’m on Firefox. Bite me.

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Anyways, see screen shot. Either Palin is really new. Or she is not getting the Jews excited. Maybe both. In contrast, if you do a search for “Jews for Biden“, you do not get a “did you mean…”

This reminds me of the French Military Victories stunt…

(Potentially sobering news for the Sarah Palin Lipstick Kippah)

It is getting interesting in the Jewish community. Here’s the: Rabbis for Obama site. Warning: lots of nudity on this site. Not. And here’s an announcement from “Jews for Palin“. Spoiler alert: the guy on the video is voting for McCain/Palin.

The Sarah Palin Lipstick Kippah Has Arrived

September 16th, 2008

Big news for all visitors to Doaks. I am breaking out with pimples all over my face. Not sure why? Maybe it’s all those taco chips and salsa. Maybe it’s the launch of my latest Kippah. Whatever the case, it’s annoying as all hell.

So, the Sarah Palin Lipstick Kippah has arrived. Link. I struggled with the naming of this one.

The BarraKippah; that didn’t fly because it has the name “Barack”. You NEVER, EVER want to have a Kippah that sends mixed signals. That’s what caused the Bay of Pigs.

The Lipsticka: it didn’t roll off the tongue the way a Yarmulke name ought to.

The AlasKap: Don’t even go there. It was barely a fleeting thought.

I interrupt the turbulent flow of this post to inform you that I have successfully punctured a rogue zit on my right cheek. You see, the surge IS working!

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Here’s a few pics of the Kippahs. Front and back. FYI, this Yarmulke in particular was not comfortable at first having its hind quarters photographed. However, after much coaxing and wheedling, I was able to persuade the Kippah to proudly display what its mother gave her!

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Btw, here’s the final line of the product description: No earmarks were requested for the creation of this Yarmulke.

Op-Ed on Jewish Republican(s) and other links

September 16th, 2008

From the WSJ: Thinking Outside the Lox. Fun read.

From SNL: Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton Address the Nation. Fun watch.

Weekend Journal: The Triumph of Culture Over Politics. Interesting read. Link. Not as boring as the title suggests. A few quotes from the article, to prove to you that I read it:

If hearing the word “culture” makes you think of Rossini, the latest translation of “Anna Karenina,” the Guggenheim Museum or “The Wire,” then you’re probably a liberal — or, at least, an unreconstructed “cosmopolitan” conservative. But if the word culture means for you forms of courtship, or sexual preference, or the relationship between parents and children, or the set of rituals that revolve around the ownership and use of a gun, or, most passionately of all, ways of living, and believing, and rejoicing, and suffering, and dying that are hallowed by the religion you practice and embodied in the church you belong to — if for you, culture does not primarily signify opera or HBO, then you are probably celebrating Sarah Palin’s ragged, real-seeming life.

Note to self in the public forum: make sure to rent or buy “The Wire”.

Finally, “The New Pranksters”, a funny read. Gosh darn it, why didn’t I think of some of these stuff?

Wall Street Journal Makes Sarah Palin Older

September 16th, 2008

Good afternoon. Just got back from reading the Journal. Poolside. I hope you are sitting in an uncomfortable office cubicle.

The Wall Street Journal came out with their first magazine. I still haven’t read it. A bit too glossy for me. Too many photos. If I wanted to feel dumb, I could just buy US Weekly or simply look in the mirror.

Saturday’s Journal, in the Corrections & Amplifications Column (many liberals would opine that the entire paper fits into this category), there was the following mea culpa:

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is 44 years old. An article on the governor in the Fall 2008 edition of WSJ. magazine that was included with some copies of the Sept. 6 Journal incorrectly said she is 45.

Yes. This is a minuscule error. FYI, my WSJ Magazine copy was among the “some” (botched) batch. However, remember, the elections will soon be upon us. And lots of attention has been directed at Palin’s youth. Therefore, mistaking Sarah Palin’s age is a matter of significance, albeit even just one year older!

A few weeks back, I blogged about a WSJ front page that juxtaposed a picture of Obama with the word “Muslim”. No doubt this was NOT intentional. Still, people need to be very sensitive. And pay attention to the nuances.

Here’s what I really don’t get; fine. The age was wrong. You made mention of it in your correction section. But why does the ONLINE version still say Palin is 45? This isn’t a print copy…which would make it too late to fix. For heavens sake, this is the web version.

To the folks at the Journal: details!

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Burn After Reading; my thoughts

September 15th, 2008

Good weekend. Whatever is left of it. I jogged around the lake this afternoon. And my left knee is hurting me now. It is not easy being in tip-top shape. With a sculpted body. At least that is what I once read in a book…

So, I went to see Burn After Reading. I am willing to watch anything with Brad Pitt and George Clooney, provided it is NOT Ocean Eleven 17. Or any further installment of the Ocean Eleven dynasty. When will it end?

The WSJ did not have a favorable review for BAR. Then again, with the stock/financial market doing so poorly, I take everything from Wall Street with a grain of salt. For the occasion, I wore my Cindy McCippah. My Kippah was not heckled even once during the film.

Things you need to know about the experience:
1) I bought a package of Twizzlers at the concession stand. The only candy with an OU
2) The theater was FULL. This was an early Sunday evening showing. Impressive.
3) Everyone in attendance was between the ages of 20-35.
4) There was lots of laughter in middle of the movie
5) The city of Seattle had a small cameo in BAR. And the theater erupted in a rather tame applause for our city

BAR runs for 96 minutes and even that felt too long! John Malkovitch was outstanding. Personally, I enjoyed Vicky Cristina Barcelona a lot more. This was no Fargo. No Big Lebowski either.

It was great to see Sledge Hammer in Burn After Reading! Sledge Hammer was an awesome TV show starring David Rasche. Rasche is a funny, funny man and IMO, should have been given more of an opportunity to showcase his comedic talents.

The end.

Here’s a few Sledge Hammer Clips a rolled into one:

Faces with Kippahs

September 13th, 2008

Just got back from playing tennis. With another Shmuly. Real guy. I wasn’t playing with myself. No pun intended. Ever since the other Shmuly got an iphone, his tennis game has improved tremendously. He also whipped me in Poker last night. The power of the iphone.

Here are some pics of FOS with their Obama and McCain Kippahs.
(fos = friends of shmuly)

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Sarah Palin Hammering Obama in the Amazon.com Polls

September 11th, 2008

Just how popular is Sara Palin these days? Yesterday, overstock.com, OSTK, had the Palin book, Sarah: How a Hockey Mom Turned Alaska’s Political Establishment Upside Down, in stock.

No more. Today, the book has SOLD OUT.

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So, with no choice, I did the next best thing. I headed over to Amazon.com, AMZN, to buy the book. Guess what? The book is NOT in stock on Amazon.com either. However, I was able to pre-order it on Amazon. Cost is $8.77 AND I have Amazon Prime.

Currently on Amazon, Sarah, is #10 in book sales! Not bad for an known. Meanwhile, Barack Obama’s Audacity of Hope is further down @ #29 on the best seller list. Talk about change of momentum.

A bit of irony; the book immediately preceding Palin’s bio is the Stephanie Meyer novel, book 2 of the Twighlight Saga. Book title? New Moon! New moon indeed for the Republican party.

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My Rubashkin Op-Ed…Published!

September 10th, 2008

A milestone in my life. No. It’s the fact that I just got my Nintendo Wii. That’s the highlight of my life. And proudest moment. Not a milestone. A few weeks ago, I yammered about writing an article about Rubashkin. Anyways, I did. It’s published in this week’s Jewish Press. Here it is:

So much has been written about the Rubashkins, specifically the allegations made against their company. AgriProcessors has been filleted by writers, roasted by bloggers, and smoked by former employees. It’s not my purpose here to defend the company against those allegations; I’ll let the public-relations professionals and attorneys handle that. I merely wish to share my personal experiences with Rubashkin meat.

In 1994 I was living at home, in Hallandale, Florida (a city about 30 minutes north of Miami) when it was decided I would go to a yeshiva out of town, as there were no Chabad yeshivas in the area. I informed my parents I wanted to study in a yeshiva in France because that’s where my classmates in Miami were headed.

That summer, we made all the necessary preparations. Since classes at the French yeshiva were taught in Yiddish, my parents hired a tutor to teach me the basics of the language — basically, if someone is procrastinating, say “nuuuuu?” and if a miscreant pulls into a parking spot you had your eye on, mutter “aaaach!”

Finally, it was time to depart. Swimming in my bar mitzvah black hat and wearing dark trousers with white socks, I was a real 14-year-old fashion plate that day at Miami International Airport. Spanish blared over the intercom with sporadic English announcements. I recall the pride in my father’s eyes — his eldest son was going away to yeshiva.

My mother was also shepping nachas but would have preferred a school closer to home - somewhere, say, in Canada or New York.

At the airport gate, my dad congregated with the fathers of my friends. I recall their discussing how when they went to yeshiva they had two pairs of pants, maybe three. Now their children insisted on ten pairs minimum — some of them even cuffed!

The French yeshiva was known for its rigorous learning. It was also notorious for its less than tasty food, which, to add insult to injury, was served in such tiny portions. (There’s an oft-repeated story about a founding father of the yeshiva observing his students eating bread and butter and commenting, “I understand they want to eat bread and butter. But why does the butter have to be on the bread?”)

During my three-year stay, I often went to bed hungry. I survived on baguettes, which became as difficult to consume as they are to spell. Yes, I know Americans typically consider the baguette be a French delicacy. That’s because they eat one every six months. Try living on it for thirty-six consecutive months, excluding Passover, without much else.
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Another thing: baguettes taste best when fresh. But as time passes - a week or so in the squalor of a yeshiva kitchen usually does the trick — the bread turns coarse, rough, and barely edible.

Things would have been much more bleak for my stomach had it not been for a small contingent of fellow students. Luckily, there were several Rubashkin boys among our ravenous group. Without fail, every Shabbos afternoon, during the day’s customary third meal, the Rubashkin clan would bring out vacuum-packed rolls of smoked turkey and salami.

Their spoils were graciously shared with all the other students. In addition, some savvy American students had managed to smuggle boxes of ketchup and mustard packets into the yeshiva, which enforced a strict ban against bringing in outside food. The condiments were considered contraband; we considered them essential to our Shabbos repast.

We would take those wonderful slices of meat and a ketchup packet and create a sandwich on the always available baguette. This was the highlight of my Shabbos. The prayers were nice. A lighter study schedule was enjoyable. But those cold cuts were heaven on earth. The manna in the desert had nothing on the smoked meat the Rubashkins dispersed to the throngs of starving yeshiva students. (In fact, the wandering Jews complained to God about the manna, saying they’d prefer meat.)

Incidentally, I also had the good fortune of rooming with a Schmerling from Switzerland. His family owned the large Zurich-based cheese and chocolate company. Shmerling had an insatiable appetite for crunchy peanut butter, which for some reason was not kosher back in the Swiss Alps. I, on the other hand, hailed from the United States, where kosher peanut butter was plentiful and abundant.

On more than one occasion Shmerling and I engaged in barter: two bars of dark chocolate for one plastic jar of peanut butter, which had managed to remain intact despite traveling overseas in my duffle bag.

Schmerling also had a weakness for cucumber and mayonnaise sandwiches. Naturally, he was adamant about using a particular brand of Swiss mayonnaise - one that, I kid you not, came in a tooth paste-type tube.

Today Schmerling is a respected Chabad shaliach somewhere in Florida. For me, though, he’ll always be that earnest young man meticulously applying mayonnaise from a toothpaste-type tube onto French bread.

Getting back to the Rubashkins, I realize the immense company they built from scratch is under intense criticism from certain quarters. But I confess to harboring a most favorable bias when it comes to that family - a bias based on some very generous young Rubashkins sharing some very delicious cold meat with some very hungry fellow yeshiva students on some very long Shabbos afternoons.

Shmuel (Shmuly) Tennenhaus is CEO of VanityKippah.com. He lives in Seattle, where he has developed an affinity for fish.